Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I touched a dick in church today
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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