i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Shame - the story of my life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
