sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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