This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
