The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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