Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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