Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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