Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
