Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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