I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
