Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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