Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
My underwear smells like fireworks.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
