Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
