Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
