whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
