i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
