Sry I called you an 8
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
