its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
