i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
