i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
