and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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