I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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