Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
