I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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