sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
