What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
