i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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