meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
