So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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