Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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