He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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