My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
