I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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