Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
