We're like a lot better than the average bears
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
