So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
