It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
