Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
