I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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