And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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