Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Quick, to the slutcave!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Randomize
