oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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