Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
