Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
