Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
