Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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