People with herpes should wear stickers.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm always down for nudity.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
