The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
After last night, I could never be a politician.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
