I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
it hurts more in the daytime
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
as a side note pls kill me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
