He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
