just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I intend to get homeless drunk
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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