I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
