Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
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You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
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I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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