Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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