you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol