I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
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I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine