The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.