She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.