Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
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i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
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I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow