New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
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the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
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