I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
