Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
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