It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
