I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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