she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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