I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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