Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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