you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
only you would photoshop your dick
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We were destined to go to rehab together
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
