you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
