Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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