have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I think your dad took our porno
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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