small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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