She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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